Wednesday, September 27, 2017

The Unpalatable Truth of Being a Mom in Her 40's

The internet and social media platforms have become a pool for motherhood being glorified and somehow filtered.  Rarely would a mom post about some bad moments or hard-knocked issues involving their kids, mostly about the gray areas of their marriage actually.  But who are we to judge.

I'm writing this because I'm not a perfect mom, I'm living life with a veil that shows how busy I am trying to be the domestic diva and kitchen goddess that I'm really not.  My life today is what I chose it to be, and try as I must to make every effort worthwhile and consciously happy.  But you see, it's hard to do away with regrets and the feeling of being stuck and unable to pursue your dreams.  Also, feeling the same way for my kids who can't seem to figure out what they want to do with their lives too.

Don't get me wrong, I love my four kids, will die for them and I have given my life to them, however, I have this voice in me, trying to find who I really am and saying I too am a person, and like any other person (not even moms) I get tired too.

Every morning is a struggle to drag myself out of the bed, after not having a straight sleep for some reasons.  The ever winding clock starts even if I haven't flicker my eyes open and the winding becomes faster as I go about my day, losing sense of time and sometimes date as I begin to walk along dog-pee'd floors and evaluating what I need to do for the day.  I could imagine moms who still has babies and toddlers, well, I moved pass to a different game level...I SURVIVED! Now that I have teens and early adults to think about, it's a different set of cringe-worthy challenges, oh can I add that we don't have help at home, and we manage a couple of businesses, while still taking on other jobs?

There are times, I would feel guilty not being able to wake up on time with my kids off to school asking for baon, not knowing if they finished breakfast or if they even had breakfast. Coz, even when many see you like a "Wonder Woman," you don't have the body of a super hero.

This lamentation was born out of the conversation my husband and I had, which ended with my heart being broken, crushed even.  It started out with a story of how he helped a traveling couple from Poland bound for Baguio. They are globetrotters who have been going around the world for three years already.  According to him, they have been to 44 countries already by just backpacking and hitching rides.  This got me all-excited and I blurted, "we can also try doing that!"

But, the mister said, what they are doing only suit them.  He didn't really said that the couple's lifestyle isn't for us, but reminding me about the kind of life we have, being a parent to four and to pups, plus having in mind a daughter that is a juvenile diabetic, suggest it.

This too, made me go back to what Paulo Coelho had quoted, " One day you will wake up, and there won't be anymore time to do the things you've always wanted. Do it now."

Been singing this in my head, but now, I'm torn, because I felt trapped.  Does it mean that I have to settle to the situation we have even though we are capable of doing so?  While more and more people, and women, even moms indulge with the wide possibilities of global adventure and millennials continue to brag about their carefree life, I'm dying with envy.

 I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me, but, I'm a mom, and I'm expected to fulfill my duties and  to make sure they also live their lives according to their purpose.

How about you, are you true to yourself? Have you any regrets too?

Friends, let's help each other out, I'm trying to challenge my self again, to foster positive emotions, such as empathy, serenity, and especially gratitude to raise me a little bit higher from where I am at now by attempting to deal with my regrets as a mom.

I need to get my momentum back and be inspired once again.  We can’t always live our dreams to a “T” but we can at least live some version of it.  Agree?

What can we do to start living a life with fewer regrets?

Whatever your dreams are……

Don’t let your regrets fester and grow.  

Accept them and use them to propel you to make change and adopt new behaviours.  Continue doing the hobbies that make you happy or contented.  Get inspirations from others instead of differentiating yourself and being a sorry puss.

Live for today!

 You never know what the future holds for you so live your life to it’s fullest and if you have kids teach them the same with your actions not just your words.

Even the Bible supports this:
Ecclesiastes 5:18-20, MSG After looking at the way things are on this earth, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that’s about it. That’s the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what’s given and delighting in the work. It’s God’s gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It’s useless to brood over how long we might live.
Be Happy!

You owe it to yourself and your loved ones to live your life in such a way that brings you happiness and joy. I'm sure it would break your kids' heart to know that you regretted not doing something because of feeling guilty or sacrificing for them.

It would bring them utter joy to know that you have led a happy and fulfilled life. It they would follow suit.

Don’t let fear of failure stop you!

Even if you fail or if you can’t achieve your full dream, in the least you need to try or try some scaled down version of it. Don’t let the fear of what might happen stop you. Imagine what could be if you tried!

I guess, that was what my husband had created after all, for me and for the family.  Bringing along the whole pack across the world would mean a whole lot of budget and whole lot of planning, so together, we did try to visit different islands and provinces. On the process, the family get to know the different facets and culture of the Philippines.

1 comment:

  1. I really enjoyed reading your post because I can relate to it too. Its good to we that you are taking timefor your self too and giving equal time to your kids also


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